Travels With Mike

Cana-can-can and a Ala-bam-bam

by Mike Rank | October 19, 2001 Mike In Mexico, where he was unable to put his shirt on correctly. Buy travel books and more! As promised, I will now enlighten you all on the wonders and splendor of life in the South. It was around this time last month when I had a chance to take my first visit there, to spend a week in the ever-pleasant Tuscaloosa, Alabama. While most people would shudder at the chance of spending their Labor Day Weekend traveling to Alabama, I seized the opportunity to travel to a new and otherwise foreign land. I was most pleased to find that nearly everyone I talked with spoke with a Southern accent. It was a huge disappointment in New York and Boston to discovered there were only a coveted few who spoke with the traditional accents of their respective areas. In Tuscaloosa, they all have the accent and flaunt it with pride. While I have never been to big on Southern accents in individuals, it was quite a scene going out to lunch in the afternoons with the group of women I was working with. I would silently sit in the shadows, gleefully watching their animated facial expressions and vocal fluctuations fill the room with a soft, southern glow. Even better were the business meetings, with the phrase "y'all" being thrown across the table repeatedly like a ping pong ball. The head of the business we were meeting with would emphasize his approval on ideas with a resounding "Hell Yeah!". Southern cooking is all its made out to be. God bless those sweet women who made sure to take us to different southern style eateries every day, ranging from Cajun to the ever popular "Dreamland Barbecue". If you've never heard of it, you obviously haven't been to Alabama. From the outside, it appears to be a dilapidated crackhouse. Inside are tight rows of picnic tables with paper towels spaced every couple of feet. The waitress came over and asked for my order. Confused, I asked if I could see a menu. She replied "We Anita got no menu. We got ribs and we got white bread. How much do you want?" Consequently, they were some of the best damn ribs I ever had. The evening before, I had a chance to stop by "Ezell's Catfish Cabin". I knew it was going to be a good score when I walked in and my feet stuck to the floor. Before my order came, they brought me a basket with fried balls of stuff. I'll be damned if I know what they were, but they tasted great with Ketchup. Alabama was a great place to relax and grab a meal. It lacked in excitement, but the easygoing, laid-back atmosphere was nice for relaxing and taking a break. It was also a good opportunity for me to experience grits, which were served to me with a flavorful sauce mixed with Shrimp and Sausage. I was told by a co-worker who had the same meal that they weren't "real" grits, but I'd be damned if I'd know any better. It all tasted good to me. In contrast to the laid back atmosphere of Alabama, I'm currently experiencing the wonders and splendors of Canada! Unfortunately, I've been too bogged down with this darn "job" to really get to explore much of Toronto. But I will be here another week and a half, giving me ample time to soak in the atmosphere of downtown Toronto. It's amazing how different things are this side of the border. People are so friendly. My first night here I arrived past midnight and could only find the hotel bar to have dinner in. I spent over an hour chatting it up with the bartender, who after knowing me for only twenty minutes felt comfortable enough to tell me how her Father died while her parents were having sex, causing her mother to hang herself a month later and she's been in therapy ever since. Besides being incredibly open, the people are peacefully simple here as well. I was talking with a woman at my job site and had mentioned that I was from Los Angeles. With a concerned look, she said "Oh! I've never been anywhere near there before!" Then, with a look of excitement, she exclaimed "But I hear they have great doughnuts down there!" I nearly wet myself. All that California has to offer and all she can relate to is our doughnuts. My coworker arrived here Saturday and has also been having a blast. He was amazed Saturday night at how the bars would close at 2AM, but people would just congregate and wander the streets until past 4. He says it's a good thing bars close at 2 since "Canadian Beer is twice as strong and half as much of anything you get in the states". I am anxiously anticipating the weekend so I can explore the scene for myself. I'm equally thrilled that I'm with a ten minute walk of the Toronto Skydome and am currently making every effort possible to obtain tickets to a Hockey game next week. Sunday, I'm planning on hitting up the ever-so famous Niagara Falls (As seen in Superman I). If there are any sites in the Great White North you've been dying to have reviewed, drop me a line. If I can't hit it up this trip, I'll be back next month for at least a week. Until then,aye, keep it real, hoser. Yes, we do talk like that here.